Tiredness, Success and The Fear Monk-Style
Dear Felicity,
It’s been a tiring week helping Wawasan’s Regional Office with registration on the weekends, especially since they usually come back-to-back. Yesterday, I registered 4 1/2 students (one of the students halfway had to be followed up by someone else) and the clincher will be this Sunday 10-6 in Kulim (roughly translated to 8 - probably 8). Thank GOD I’m taking the next Monday and Tuesday off.
Meanwhile, the Arrows are growing. For those of you who read the MUCH earlier posts, you would know that the Youth I mentor went through a severely rough patch. It’s kinda funny now ’cause the troublesome ones all left, with a few left behind who are changing. I wish I could do more for the others personally but the mentors I spoke to were right: let them go to grow.
So with that in mind, now I’ve got the five boys I actively mentor and now a few girls are joining in and one of them (Yee Vonne) is a real dynamo. She took 6 months off home-schooling to join Youth With A Mission and her experiences there have geared her up to be a real force to be reckoned with. She’s serious about God and she’s fun to be with at the same time so she pulls all the other girls (and maybe, in future, one or two guys) along with her back to Youth. Also, another young guy, Amos, is trying to grow so fast, it’s amazing. These two are even actively by themselves being a big brother/sister to a kid or two. And one of the cheekier previously untameable ones, Jon, is maturing in his outlook and is making an effort to be more like an adult every day. The changes, the improvements, the things that are happening are PHENOMENAL!!
So why do I feel scared? It’s like Adrian Monk lives in me or something, being scared of the trivialities like: “What if I fail and screw things up? What if I hurt someone real bad and stunt their growth? What if I can’t handle this sort of thing? What if I get all puffed up with pride and create problems? What if? What if?” It’s unreasonable yet it’s real all at the same time. I can’t give up now though. I just have to trust that God knows what He’s doing in my life and my ministry and believe that His hand is far bigger than anything I could ever hope to do or be.
So once again, sounding like an emo from high school, I face the blowing wind and walk forth. If I ever retreat into my shell, start wearing a suit and tie while keeping my socks in a plastic bag while cringing when I shake people’s hands, do me a small favour, Felicity. SHOOT ME!
