Journey Of A Dreamer

The Journey Part Deux!!

Hey guys,

So it has been a long time since I last updated my blog. A lot has happened over the 8 years since I last communicated with you and I am sorry to have lost touch. Life had taken over and I must admit, I had gotten lazy and preoccupied.

Some important aspects of my life that has occured over the years:

a) Dad had a stroke some years back but he has recovered. He still has some numbness and stuttering to deal with but he is highly functional for the most part! I was really happy to hear that he went back to church after years of not going. Mom is doing great but she has gotten older and thus less mobile. But her joyful spirit never wavers and she is always a source of inspiration to all of us.

b) Silas, my bro and best buddy, has married a wonderful partner called Jasmine. I have one other sister called Kimberly into the mix who is Jas’ little sister. I love that my family has expanded and I hope to see more siblings later on.

c) The most important update is that I have my own partner as well, Thasha Gunaseelan. She is a passionate creative with a heart of gold and a giant smile to match. She is a praying believer and is a woman of great faith, courage and fortitude. We got together last year by divine intervention (I’ll save that story for another time, Felicity) and I hope for many amazing years of achieving our purpose together

d) Speaking of purpose, I have moved to Kuala Lumpur to try my hand at the arts scene. This was done after much prayer and to be honest, things have been moving so fast I have only recently adjusted myself to this. To date, I am a part-time primary drama teacher in an International School called Dwi Emas, a part-time actor for a improv theatre group against bullying called Project Spect-Actor and I have had the privilege of performing with a choir. I also do part-time freelance writing and I drive Uber for extra income on the side. My ultimate goal here is one day to get involved in full-time ministry. I don’t know how, I don’t know when but I’m sure He has a plan.

Anyway, I’ll fill you in as I go along this journey. I am challenging myself as a writer to be regular and share my thoughts online as a way to improve my skills so you will hear from me. Til next time.


Belated B’Day Party (And dinner’s re-view… literally)

Dear Felicity,

Took an old friend out for dinner at a Steamboat place called Spicy Girl on Sunday. Nice food but ironic name… (considering that one of their branches has only old men for waiters).

After which, she decided she wanted to go to a carnival because she hadn’t been in one for ages. The ferris wheel was a heavenly experience for her… the spinning flying seats, not so much. You see, she forgot she had vertigo. Suffice it to say that she tasted her dinner again, only going the other way. 

Oh, well, it was an adventure, however brief. I should go on those rides again but just to be safe, I’d better make sure I’m not too stuffed.

Three Weddings In One Month

Dear Felicity

Three Saturdays all about in a span of five weeks are dedicated to weddings:

a) A distant cousin I barely know

b) A little sister of a childhood friend I haven’t had much contact with since HIS wedding

c) Two childhood friends of mine who have been together since high school

a) was last week, b) was just now and c) is coming up in about three weeks. So far, it’s been common with the usual Chinese 7 course dinners and singers and a dancing floor. I do wonder if c) will be any different.

I realized something horrible from this though:

I need to lose weight (I imagine a thousand resounding “amens” and a few “Where have I heard that before?” from the readers). The epiphany hit when the bottom button of my favourite shirt doesn’t button well anymore. This is not looking good… How am I going to do it? I have absolutely no idea.

One thing I do pray for. That the three wedded couples will always have real love and joy in their marriage all the way to their golden years. I sincerely hope that Darren and his beloved, Grace and Gavin, KK and another Grace may be fully blessed with the love of God in their lives… constantly and I also hope that they and their kids will shine brightly the love of God in their sphere of influence.

Congrats, you blessed three.

How to find my joie d’vivre?

Dear Felicity,

I’ve been thinking… I love church, I love serving there but I can’t go there right now because it’s not time yet. The Almighty has not issued His decree so I obey. On the other hand, while I’m okay with work, I don’t see much purpose in it beyond the usual grind.

So why am I frustrated? Why can’t I serve the Lord with all the joy in my heart? And more importantly, where is my team? Everyone I rely upon seems to get too busy and dump stuff back on me at some stage and I don’t feel like a servant of God. I feel like a patch. Wherever there’s a gap, good ol’ Sam who is so multi-talented will fill it up…. and it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating because I wonder where everyone else is? Where are the future leaders, the future drivers, the future inspirers of the next generation?….

How can I get my passion, my First Love back?

Lord, help me find it.

A review…and I’m only 29!

Dear Felicity,

God knows how long it’s been. I’ve been looking back at a few posts in the past and I see a pattern. I’m still rather down and drawn out, corporate deadlines have got me running in circles because I’m still incompetent and Youth is still transient.
It’s like I’m stuck in a rut at work with the same old projects. Even new projects that excited me at first seem to bore me after a while (except for the video project but that’s because I like video). I’m starting to wonder if I’m on the right track career-wise! I’m not much of a corporate animal so this is becoming a bit silly for me.

I’m finding out as well that I’m still unorganized and I seem to still prefer lazing around with computer games rather than doing something… other than helping people. The only thing that gives me joy is helping others and seeing fruits in their lives.  Unfortunately, there has been no full-time call and frankly, I can’t afford to live off fresh air and sunshine.

Youth is amazing in the sense that we can all get together to do projects and bless the church and community. Otherwise…. not much spiritual input. I guess I need to grow even more to be able to do that. Youth service seems routine and I have people popping in and out every week with some faithfuls but I wonder… is there more to this? Is there a way I can make the Youth programme so inspiring and so amazing that people keep coming to get their lives changed?…. I don’t know the answer right now but God, I’m getting tired.
I think the reason why almost every other post is so emo is because this is one of the few places I can be emo. I need to seem like I have it altogether everywhere else when I’m still immature, lazy and a master procrastinator. I don’t KNOW what to do. I can’t keep disappointing everyone else. I can’t keep alterring programmes at the last minute. I’m going nuts. All I’m saying is… God, help!!!!!

Legally Blonde Encounter And Other Challenges

Dear Felicity,

Had the privilege of counseling the Malaysian version of Elle Woods on Wednesday. Picture a Chinese girl with looks and an outfit that would melt the very floor she’s standing on. You listen to her speak about wanting sororities and immediately your mind starts to judge her as “blonde”. But as the conversation progressed, I had to recant that judgment because just like her namesake, there is a bright mind in there and a friendly personality. She even gave me her blog address to read about her. While most guys would immediately try to snag her, I just wanted to understand this individual. Turns out there’s a lot happening in her life. I pray that she’ll find what she really needs in life.

Also, moving on, these past few weeks have been really challenging as it seems that just after I taught in Home Cell about the importance of submission, my director (God bless her) becomes more difficult to work with. Talk about learning to practice what you preach!

I am also blessed to see the Youth growing spiritually. I am praying really hard that all these guys and gals mature to be what God called them to be. I pray especially for a boy called Nick who is caught in between maturing and still acting out. He’s going through a lot because he’s a teen: hormones, dealing with old childish attitudes, parental pressure, etc.
Also, I am so glad that one of the boys has made the decision to come in. I pray I’ll be able to treat him right.

Lastly, I have been challenged to take stock of my life and go deeper in my personal relationship with Him, to seriously let go of my past distractions and addictions that hanker that relationship to mature as a Youth Leader. I really need to mature more. Guess I can thank God that the scratching of my Dad’s Waja is a start because one of the boys distracted me off the road to rub against the pavement.

Anyway, until next time.

Busy-ness, Slight Depression And Puppies

Dear Felicity,

It’s been a real trying time for me these past months, dealing with loads of work at the job and home as well while handling certain duties in my father’s absence while trying to handle Youth and home cell together.

Because of all this, depression has set in a bit but I thank God for yesterday. First uplifting thing was the fact that my best friend was back from KL for a while and we got some time to chat. Also, another friend came by and had puppies. We frantically had to get some milk as they weren’t weaned yet but it was relaxing to be able to feed them from a bottle.

Woke up this morning at 6.30am because Aspen snuck into the house and had to fight with her to get her back out on the balcony. I have to find ways to work on my relationship with her.

Dark Shadows

Dear Felicity,

How do I even begin? I had a heart to heart talk with God many times on this and because of where I came from, it’s been hard to grasp even now. I have attempted to understand why I didn’t get it ’til now. Now I realize.

As fun as it was supposed to be, I have learned that the tomfoolery I have done has caused some problems to me and to others. For years, I have wondered what it means to truly be a man (Not a man the way people see it but the way a man is supposed to be, whatever he is) and one things men do not do innocently or otherwise is cross-dress. Even in my previous sareed state, I start to realize how intoxicating it was at the time. A friend commented about how much fun it looked and I said I was possessed. In a way I was. I was possessed by a desire to be feminine.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t care about masculinity and femininity per se  as I believe God made everyone unique with their own quirks and eccentricities and personalities. I’ve met people who have elements of both genders in their personalities and doing very well, thank you. But my destiny is to serve people and I can’t let a dark shadow from my past have a hold on me anymore. (Trust me, guys, for those of you who know me and are reading this, this is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back to my childhood) I have to rise above this and be what I am supposed to be. I understand that this could open up a whole can of worms among many people who know me who will then start to either wonder where I stand or worry that I’ll get homophobic and be insensitive like some people have been. I don’t know. What I do know is that I will continue to grow in my desire to love people and help them be the best that they can be.

So here’s to the next battle. *sips a glass of soda pop* (anti-climatic but since I’m a tee-totaler* NOW CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to those I have upset over this or the previous “stunt” from India, I apologize. May we continue to mature.

Dad’s Gone And The Japanese Craziness Has Hit Me

Dear Felicity,

Dad left last week for KL. His eldest brother came to visit him and decided to take over from us. While I miss him, I’m thankful that he’s with someone who can help him recover and “bully” him into eating, going for physio and other stuff. I hope he comes back soon.

Meanwhile, one of my Youth is going away to NS. Because of his background, we fear that he might get into trouble if he’s not careful so we’re praying for him. See, he believes one thing when the country I live in (God bless it) insists he believes another. ‘Nuff said.

Also, I have recently downloaded a whole lot of Japanese broadway from Sakura Wars (8 CDs) and have decided to try to understand what the heck they’re singing about. So I’m learning Japanese indepedently online to understand their grammar and such. Tae Kim’s Japanese grammar guide is wonderful. Give it a try. Also, I highly recommend this online dictionary.

Submission vs. Rebellion

Dear Felicity,
I am going through John Bevere’s teaching on Under Cover and I’m learning that I am far from submissive. There are times when I complain and vent frustration over my current bosses and sometimes I say too much about my dad’s condition for my own good.

God help me to truly be under cover and truly honour the authority placed on my life.