Journey Of A Dreamer

Dark Shadows

Dear Felicity,

How do I even begin? I had a heart to heart talk with God many times on this and because of where I came from, it’s been hard to grasp even now. I have attempted to understand why I didn’t get it ’til now. Now I realize.

As fun as it was supposed to be, I have learned that the tomfoolery I have done has caused some problems to me and to others. For years, I have wondered what it means to truly be a man (Not a man the way people see it but the way a man is supposed to be, whatever he is) and one things men do not do innocently or otherwise is cross-dress. Even in my previous sareed state, I start to realize how intoxicating it was at the time. A friend commented about how much fun it looked and I said I was possessed. In a way I was. I was possessed by a desire to be feminine.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t care about masculinity and femininity per se  as I believe God made everyone unique with their own quirks and eccentricities and personalities. I’ve met people who have elements of both genders in their personalities and doing very well, thank you. But my destiny is to serve people and I can’t let a dark shadow from my past have a hold on me anymore. (Trust me, guys, for those of you who know me and are reading this, this is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back to my childhood) I have to rise above this and be what I am supposed to be. I understand that this could open up a whole can of worms among many people who know me who will then start to either wonder where I stand or worry that I’ll get homophobic and be insensitive like some people have been. I don’t know. What I do know is that I will continue to grow in my desire to love people and help them be the best that they can be.

So here’s to the next battle. *sips a glass of soda pop* (anti-climatic but since I’m a tee-totaler* NOW CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to those I have upset over this or the previous “stunt” from India, I apologize. May we continue to mature.


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