Journey Of A Dreamer

Category Archive

The following is a list of all entries from the Thoughts & Ideals category.

Legally Blonde Encounter And Other Challenges

Dear Felicity,

Had the privilege of counseling the Malaysian version of Elle Woods on Wednesday. Picture a Chinese girl with looks and an outfit that would melt the very floor she’s standing on. You listen to her speak about wanting sororities and immediately your mind starts to judge her as “blonde”. But as the conversation progressed, I had to recant that judgment because just like her namesake, there is a bright mind in there and a friendly personality. She even gave me her blog address to read about her. While most guys would immediately try to snag her, I just wanted to understand this individual. Turns out there’s a lot happening in her life. I pray that she’ll find what she really needs in life.

Also, moving on, these past few weeks have been really challenging as it seems that just after I taught in Home Cell about the importance of submission, my director (God bless her) becomes more difficult to work with. Talk about learning to practice what you preach!

I am also blessed to see the Youth growing spiritually. I am praying really hard that all these guys and gals mature to be what God called them to be. I pray especially for a boy called Nick who is caught in between maturing and still acting out. He’s going through a lot because he’s a teen: hormones, dealing with old childish attitudes, parental pressure, etc.
Also, I am so glad that one of the boys has made the decision to come in. I pray I’ll be able to treat him right.

Lastly, I have been challenged to take stock of my life and go deeper in my personal relationship with Him, to seriously let go of my past distractions and addictions that hanker that relationship to mature as a Youth Leader. I really need to mature more. Guess I can thank God that the scratching of my Dad’s Waja is a start because one of the boys distracted me off the road to rub against the pavement.

Anyway, until next time.


Dark Shadows

Dear Felicity,

How do I even begin? I had a heart to heart talk with God many times on this and because of where I came from, it’s been hard to grasp even now. I have attempted to understand why I didn’t get it ’til now. Now I realize.

As fun as it was supposed to be, I have learned that the tomfoolery I have done has caused some problems to me and to others. For years, I have wondered what it means to truly be a man (Not a man the way people see it but the way a man is supposed to be, whatever he is) and one things men do not do innocently or otherwise is cross-dress. Even in my previous sareed state, I start to realize how intoxicating it was at the time. A friend commented about how much fun it looked and I said I was possessed. In a way I was. I was possessed by a desire to be feminine.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t care about masculinity and femininity per se  as I believe God made everyone unique with their own quirks and eccentricities and personalities. I’ve met people who have elements of both genders in their personalities and doing very well, thank you. But my destiny is to serve people and I can’t let a dark shadow from my past have a hold on me anymore. (Trust me, guys, for those of you who know me and are reading this, this is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back to my childhood) I have to rise above this and be what I am supposed to be. I understand that this could open up a whole can of worms among many people who know me who will then start to either wonder where I stand or worry that I’ll get homophobic and be insensitive like some people have been. I don’t know. What I do know is that I will continue to grow in my desire to love people and help them be the best that they can be.

So here’s to the next battle. *sips a glass of soda pop* (anti-climatic but since I’m a tee-totaler* NOW CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to those I have upset over this or the previous “stunt” from India, I apologize. May we continue to mature.

Don’t Rain On My Parade (Sam’s Version)

Considering what I’m going through, my theme for this month is this, albeit modified:

Don’t tell me not to live, just sit and putter
Life’s candy and the sun’s a ball of butter
Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my parade
Don’t tell me not to fly, I’ve simply got to
If someone takes a spill, it’s me and not YOU!
Who told you you’re allowed to rain on my parade?

I’ll march my band out
I’ll beat my drum
And if I’m fanned out
Your turn at bat, sir
At least I didn’t fake it, hat, sir
So what if I don’t make it!

But whether I’m the rose of sheer perfection
A freckle on the nose of life’s complexion
The cinder or the shiny apple of it’s eye
I gotta fly once
I gotta try once
You only die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy
Juicy and you’ll see
I’m gonna get my bite, sir
Get ready for me, world, ’cause I’m a comer
I’ve simply gotta march, my love’s the drummer
Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my parade

I’m gonna live and live now
Get what is mine, I know how
One roll for the whole shebang
One throw, that bell will go clang
Eye on the target and wham!
One shot, one gunshot and BAM!
Hey, watch out, people, here I am

I’ll march my band out
I’ll beat my drum
And if I’m fanned out
Your turn at bat, sir
At least I didn’t fake it, hat, sir
So what if I don’t make it
Get ready for me, world, ’cause I’m a comer
I’ve simply gotta march, my love’s the drummer
Nobody, no, nobody is ever gonna rain on my parade…

Take that, challenges!!!

Christmas Butterflies

Hey, all…

It seems I’ve let myself go a little bit. Because of the inactivity in November, the kids may have too. With that in mind, I’m praying very hard that I’ll be able to rally the Youth together for Christmas despite their part-time jobs, Bible school semesters and camps for a real shebang this Christmas.

To me, the most important thing is not so much whether we make it but whether we all grow from the experience. I still believe that God wants great things to happen for us. I still believe that these kids are special with the potential to be anointed worshippers with the ability to really bless God’s people.

I’m just nervous about a lot of things. Thank God for pillars of strength like supportive parents, a real helpful bro and the Youth who want God’s best for their lives.

Here’s to an amazing journey this next few weeks!

A Whole New Chapter In My Life

Dear Felicity,

It’s been a while since my last update so here’s what’s happening:

a) I know I’m late to jump on the Disney Mania bandwagon but I’ve been a fan of Disney since I was a little kid. I remember having karaoke sessions with my brother and friends and we would sing to the soundtracks of the Disney Renaissance (from Little Mermaid – Tarzan) for hours. My brother would take the cool characters, my friend would take the heroes he related to and yours truly would do the others from the ladies to weird characters to my personal faves, the VILLAINS. ~BE PREPARED~ BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Anyway Disney Mania remixes some of the old songs. Some are fantastic, some are commercialized fare and some I collect for plain wierdness – Poor Unfortunate Souls Rock Remix by Jonas Brothers?! Go figure.

b) Liz, my younger “sister” is WORKING!!! At my old workplace CANON CONCEPT STORE!!! Which is UNDER BETTER MANAGEMENT!!! And she who didn’t get past PMR is saving up for COLLEGE!!!! I was doing flips in my bedroom when I heard.

c) The reason why it’s a new chapter for me. I’m 26 this past Nov 8. No girlfriend but I’m confirmed at work so things are looking up. I still want to settle down sometime but when exactly is up to the Lord. I also know I should work on the packaging this wonderful heart is in and lose weight but getting to it is another whole chore. I’m making a recommitment to my emotional and spiritual growth and trying to get my family to pray together more often. Time will tell how I will mature as a person and as a leader of young people.

Dear God, thanks for another great year. Help me to get past the things that keep me down from flying high with You and help me to truly be a blessing wherever I am.


P.S. Thanks to everyone who made my 4 day birthday weekend memorable, especially my parents and the McIsaac family.

Workin’ On A Holiday

Dear Felicity,

I’m working today, even though it’s supposed to be a public holiday. Was more annoyed than I let on last night about the whole thing and was rather grumpy the whole evening. There was an all-night vigil at church for the by-elections today and I didn’t go.

Shouldn’t that be “couldn’t go because of work tomorrow”? No, it’s “didn’t go” because I wasn’t in the right spirit. It was a shame too because two of my kids went and I’m afraid I may have disappointed them slightly. (Will SMS them later to encourage them).

Anyway, just to make the most of it then, I’m praying today during lunch break for the thing even though people may be voting, simply because I really feel that God wants me to do it, not to make up for anything but to stand in the gap as is my duty.

So, if life hands you lemons, make Teh O Limau, I guess. 😛 Now where did I put that brewing pot?

Creeping Negativity

Dear Felicity,

It’s getting weird for me here. I’m supposed to honor my superiors however they may be, but during email marketing meetings with my new manager, Mr. Poh, I sometimes say negative things about Ms. Usha’s approval system. What’s wrong with me? I admit I’m frustrated but I really shouldn’t be that negative. Lord, help me to honor, honor, honor whoever.

On that note, I also pissed off one of my colleagues for messing up her budget planning for 09. I understand it’s a tantamount sin and I’m trying to make up for it and really show her love and try to make restitution but I’m being rebuffed. It makes working kinda uncomfortable for me as I’m used to a largely supportive environment. Well, that’s life. Back to the grind…

Teach me to love those who hate me, not so I can  be appreciated and supported but to show them God cares. Teach me to honor them in spite of everything. Help me be a blessing and an encouragement in this corporate environment. HELP ME, LORD!!!

Microsoft Office vs. Photoshop

I’ve been asked to produce a simple document where certain rows are dual-column while others are single-column as they are headers. Easy, non?


I have been wrestling for a complete hour in trying various alternatives to getting it right on Microsoft office and it STILL doesn’t work. God, I miss using Photoshop! (And that’s a prayer, people!)

To quote:

“Photoshop is that young vibrant design exec that can do yoga while feeding your baby and tutoring your kid in algebra. Microsoft Office programs are middle-aged executives with back problems.”

As comes with time…

…things get left behind. The previous two posts show my current growing up. But deep down inside, I feel a bit like Wayne Kirkpatrick when he wrote this song for Susan Ashton:

Innocence Lost

Gone away, the days of wish and wondering
Far away, like a vision in my mind
The child has grown and left me here alone
Looking back to what was left behind.

Lullabyes and pennies in a wishing well
Sad goodbyes to friends of make believe
A love so pure, a treasure
Now buried in the sea of me.

Milton lost his paradise, Dorothy lost her way
Vincent lost his sanity, Thomas lost his faith
Hoover lost the second time, Sigmund lost his friend
Me, I lost my innocence and I want it back again.

A tug-of-war is going on inside of me
A calloused heart that wants to make a change
While time prevails fighting tooth and nail
Keeping me set in my ways

Marco found the orient, Gepetto found his boy
Lincoln found a unity that Lee could not destroy
Lindy found the other side, Gershwin found the stage
Me, I found a stubborness that seems to grow with age

As I dream of where I’ll go, may I learn from where I’ve gone
And take the memories that I hold into tomorrow

Milton lost his paradise, Dorothy lost her way
Vincent lost his sanity, Thomas lost his faith
Hoover lost the second time, Sigmund lost his friend
Me, I lost my innocence and I want it back again.
I had it once before and I want it back again…

I Will Do Battle

I don’t know how and I don’t know any possible way to overcome it but it’s a problem for Someone bigger than me to solve.

I cannot sit back and see a constricting atmosphere of politicking and backbiting and grilling continue. I want a team! I will pray for a team! I will fight for the team spirit! I hope to have a world where everyone can get along with one another in true comradeship. I dream of a place where people can make mistakes, pioneer ideas and still feel secure as long as they uphold the company, where honour and service is the motto of every employer and effeciency is still a priority but is secondary to the needs of the human spirit.

I will do battle!!!