Journey Of A Dreamer

Dear Felicity,

Just got off from two days of relaxation after about a month of weekend overtime. SO thankful that’s over. The peak was at the Kulim Career/Postgraduate Expo last Sunday.

The work entailed going with a superior on Friday to get things set up. That was pleasant.

Sunday however wasn’t really. Due to tardiness and a bad attitude, superior and underling couldn’t get along and weren’t very conversational that day. It’s an excursion for Pete’s sake. On a largely voluntary basis. Can’t we make it enjoyable rather than let one mistake lead to tension and resentment and ruin any future chances for co-operation for future roadshows? Still, that’s the way things went. Tried to get the conversation ball rolling but no one was really interested. I hate stifling atmospheres.

Anyway, after that, I was really happy to be able to relax the next few days. Spent some time hanging out with Dad and Mom and got to actually talk with Dad on a lot of things. That was cool.

Tuesday’s gym session wasn’t, though. I found out after a fat analysis at Fitness First (free thanks to a lawyer friend Raymond) that I need to lose 25kg and I’m 14.3% overweight in fat content. When asked which part of the body, without a blink of an eye, the consultant replied: “Every part.” I’m OBESE!! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!!! (Quit laughing, readers. I know you’re laughing! Quit laughing!!!)

Oh well, time to get some exercise then….

Dear Felicity,

It’s been a tiring week helping Wawasan’s Regional Office with registration on the weekends, especially since they usually come back-to-back. Yesterday, I registered 4 1/2 students (one of the students halfway had to be followed up by someone else) and the clincher will be this Sunday 10-6 in Kulim (roughly translated to 8 - probably 8). Thank GOD I’m taking the next Monday and Tuesday off.

Meanwhile, the Arrows are growing. For those of you who read the MUCH earlier posts, you would know that the Youth I mentor went through a severely rough patch. It’s kinda funny now ’cause the troublesome ones all left, with a few left behind who are changing. I wish I could do more for the others personally but the mentors I spoke to were right: let them go to grow.

So with that in mind, now I’ve got the five boys I actively mentor and now a few girls are joining in and one of them (Yee Vonne) is a real dynamo. She took 6 months off home-schooling to join Youth With A Mission and her experiences there have geared her up to be a real force to be reckoned with. She’s serious about God and she’s fun to be with at the same time so she pulls all the other girls (and maybe, in future, one or two guys) along with her back to Youth. Also, another young guy, Amos, is trying to grow so fast, it’s amazing. These two are even actively by themselves being a big brother/sister to a kid or two. And one of the cheekier previously untameable ones, Jon, is maturing in his outlook and is making an effort to be more like an adult every day. The changes, the improvements, the things that are happening are PHENOMENAL!!

So why do I feel scared? It’s like Adrian Monk lives in me or something, being scared of the trivialities like: “What if I fail and screw things up? What if I hurt someone real bad and stunt their growth? What if I can’t handle this sort of thing? What if I get all puffed up with pride and create problems? What if? What if?” It’s unreasonable yet it’s real all at the same time.  I can’t give up now though. I just have to trust that God knows what He’s doing in my life and my ministry and believe that His hand is far bigger than anything I could ever hope to do or be.

So once again, sounding like an emo from high school, I face the blowing wind and walk forth. If I ever retreat into my shell, start wearing a suit and tie while keeping my socks in a plastic bag while cringing when I shake people’s hands, do me a small favour, Felicity. SHOOT ME!

It is Monday and I still live (Thank God). Had to say farewell to a few people this time:

1. Raqib - Left on Sunday. No wisecracks for a long while
2. Silas - My bro and best bud. Left on Friday morning.
3. Papa - Left for Johor for three days on Sunday evening.
4. KK & Grace - Leaving tomorrow for Down Under. Possibly never to return.

Juggling KK & Grace’s farewell dinners with suppers with Kib has been pretty taxing on the stamina and the wallet, but it was worth it.

Sunday was the crowning event in the Marathon of Entertaining Exhaustion. I promised one of my boys, Amos, a treat at Crepe Cottage to crepes, fruit and ice-cream for this Sunday. He brought his best buddy Jon Yeoh, and a young hyperactive fellow, Nick, who decided to just follow along (You would too if you had to choose between following big bro vs. following ma shopping for heels and designer wear). UNFORTUNATELY, Nick didn’t BOTHER to ask his mother for food money. Yours truly had to lend him RM10 and told him that this would be the last time we help him out. And so, dealing with the wrestling/pranking duo (Nick vs. Amos) while dealing with the best buddy, Jon, who was going through an emotional experience while waiting for our dessert at Crepe Cottage was quite a trying experience. (We got there at 7.45. We left at 9.30).

Thank God Ma has declared tonight Pizza night!

Dear Felicity,

Had a few things to learn this past two days and I do hope to be able to implement them.

a) I learned that many people forsake the Great Commandment for the Great Commission. They get so caught up in their work, their purpose in their life, their ministry that it’s no wonder so many burn out halfway. I’m learning that if God is Father, then my job is just to be His son, to walk with Him, to talk with Him, to dwell with Him. Like every son, I’ll get my inheritance (i.e. my success/fortune/ministry etc.) in due time when He knows I’m ready. For now, grow and learn and mature under His wise guidance and stay in His love. That way, I’ll get tasks that God knows I’m ready for and won’t overdo things like so many times before.

b) My emo-ness still sometimes screams that I shouldn’t have to be in the frontline so often. All my life, I’ve been in groups/companies (except MPH) that needed growing, that face tough times, that are in need of pioneers. I’ve never had the chance to just merely do my job, go home and relax. I am given leadership responsibilities, am asked, nay, demanded to raise young ones and stay strong in the midst of adversity. Rather than being shielded, I am in front trying to stand with my armour. And whilst  I feel alone and face trouble, danger, depression, numbing disappointment and cries that rip my optimism and self-worth away, the Voice speaks to me yet again that trouble is always opportunity, that challenges are chances to grow and shine above the rest, that being in the frontline as a pillar of strength is what will inspire many others as long as I remain weak and open to Him to let His strength shine through. Let a thousand fall on my left and ten thousand fall on my right as the Psalms say, by His strength, I pray I will not be moved and I will speak life not death, hope and not fear and gloom to the world of darkness and let light shine forth!! As I gulp down my own fears and insecurities and give them to the arms of the Strong One, I shout: “BRING IT ON!!!!!!!”

Dear Felicity,

This next few weeks will be tough for me…

a) My friends and bro are leaving. Kib and Silas are returning to KL this weekend. KK and Grace, my childhood church friends are migrating to Australia for study. I say migrate because I’m pretty sure they plan to stay there. So once again, I am stuck alone *sob sob* with only Mel as my support system and everyone else as the one I have to be there for. *sigh*

b) I’m working seven days a week now thanks to the registration “rush” (though there doesn’t seem to be any at this time) and I hoped to take a break when it’s all over on the 14th but now it turns out I have to wait for the 21st to relax because of an audit at my workplace.

c) Getting more responsibilities and learning to juggle them. And because I drop the ball a few times, I sometimes get a lecture that could perm my hair into a ‘fro.

So now excuse me while I lock myself in a cubicle in the men’s room for a brief period.

*walks* *shuts door* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*comes out, combs ruffled hair,  puts on best smile and leaves*

P.S. Am praying for a few people to get healed - Raqib (who’s been on my list, like, forever, along with mom), Manesha (a bright spot of sunshine in the office who’s on maternity leave and facing complications in the ICU, poor girl) and Cecilia Dahl (a cancer patient I’ll hopefully be giving blood to this Saturday)

Gee, Felicity,

I’ve never had to work with a runny nose before. This is a new experience. Maybe next time, I’ll even be able to greet walk-ins with a nasal voice i.e. Fran Fine. Should I puff up my hair and get all flamboyant?

*sniffle*~~

Things might be coming to a head. The split that has been ongoing underneath the surface for this past year has seen ruptures on the skin like pus oozing out of broken pimples.

I was struck by an SMS from one of the nicest guys who I never thought would say what he said. It’s like Santa Claus giving the US President an scathing letter saying that the Easter Bunny is a bad mascot for Easter because of his promiscuity. Whether he has a point or not is not so much the point, the point is:

1. I have no jurisdiction regarding who plays and who doesn’t
2. What the guy said does not build anyone up, just wants to get the fella out of there

I passed it on to the relevant people and just last night, one of our leaders had a long talk with Pastor Joshua about who should be in and out.

Whether there be turbulence around the corner or not, we’re headed for interesting times. Abba Father, stay on top of things and make sure the right actions are taken for the good of the people!!!

Yesterday was a mixed day of highs and lows:

Lows

1. Just heard my Vietnamese grandmother passed away. Okay, so she’s not my biological grandma but she was like one to me. She’s the Vietnamese Pastor in my previous church in KL, River Of Life, and ministered to foreign workers together with her husband. When I was still looking for a living in KL, she would invite me to church to join the ladies for some Vietnamese beef noodles. She was always a bubbly fount of joy and now she’s gone to be with the Lord.
2. Have you ever tried to work in an enclosed office when renovation is going on? Believe me, after 15 minutes, you feel like wrenching the nail gun from their hands and using it on them. Having to endure it for 3 1/2 hours was excruciating agony. If I didn’t have music on the headphones, I swear I would have either gone violent or insane.

Highs

1. I got commended by my boss for my efforts at work after only three weeks. I hope I can keep meeting her expectations and more.
2. I managed to borrow the camera to take pictures of my little baby. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Aspen.

A future candidate for KWE, Kittens Wrestling Entertainment (their own).

So that’s life for me right now. More updates later.

Had a walk-in enquiry on campus yesterday evening with Mr. Steve Koh, a manager with Dell, and he made an interesting comment about how everything in business management has to be seen from a global perspective as well as local perspective, about the importance of blending into another culture before you can manage the people of that culture. If more people knew about that, we’d be better off.

Also, he mentioned that the reason why Malaysians and Singaporeans do better than other Asian countries right now is partially due to our multiracial environment. Because we have a few dominant cultures in our country, we have learned to adapt very fast to different languages and ways of life to accommodate our neighbors and friends. Interesting thought…

Hey, Felicity!

It’s been ages since my last post, eh? Anyway, quick update:

a) I’m working at Wawasan Open University as a customer service assistant. That means I deal with enquiries with the occasional writing job as that is my talent. I currently also manage the email marketing campaign and co-supervise some of the advertising.

b) I’m a single father. Can’t watch over her all the time because of work so I keep her in a cage outside meanwhile…

Take a deep breath people. She’s a kitten.

c) My real reason for writing this post. The inspiration came from just walking out this morning and meeting the cleaning lady. This cleaning lady is a mamak that looks like your typical aged witch with that hook nose, frazzled curly hair and pointed chin but she is a wonderful lady.

I met her today just outside the dustbins near my house and she was still dressed in a tudung, and baju kurung before work and when I asked her what she was doing there, she smiled and said (I’m translating here): “Spotcheck, what else? Gotta keep this place clean or people will slip or step in something they don’t want.” She started commenting on the bags left by the side that didn’t make it into the bin and how some people are insensitive.

I left for work today contemplative. It’s been 8 years since I’ve lived in Marina Bay and that lady, after so many years, still relishes her job even though it’s filled with little things and not challenging conquests like some careers we admire. May I be as faithful in my work, if it ever gets this menial to me…